On Dad's Watch
Family Life From a Dad's Perspective
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I Say Essay
by Michael Malgeri

When it comes to disciplining our children, I've tried everything. On one occasion last summer they were so unruly I docked them to single scoop ice cream, low resolution TV, and reduced the clock speed on their deskside computers. Now THAT'S putting one's foot down.

Despite my drastic measures, there's a high rate of residivism in our house and one day, after removing the "kick me" sign from my back (I wonder who put that there?), I decided to reach out for support.

"I want you to go to your room and write a 3 page essay on why I must respect my parents." Although I was skeptical when my wife gave that order, judging by the reaction from our son I saw immediate promise in the technique.

"WHAT! I don't want to write and essay! Why can't I just write standards!?"

I finally realized that writing an essay was like staying in school, while writing standards was just an annoying thing to do while watching television.

It's a great idea but naturally, when I tried it things didn't work out so well. Unlike standards, which have detailed terms and conditions, there's a lot of wiggle room in the format of a 3 page essay.

My son took the phrase "cutting corners" to extremes by immediately adopting 4 inch margins on the top, sides and bottom. His page looked like a passport photo embedded in the middle of a football field. Next he figured skipping lines would add to overall readability. Finally, the chosen font was 48 point permitting about 3 words per line. When he handed it to me I thought it was a power point presention.

Anyway, if you're looking for an alternative parenting technique you might try the essay. But don't forget the formatting rules.


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