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The Marriage Debate is Not About Discrimination…Sort Of


The political issue of Marriage is always debated, often heatedly, as one of discrimination. The problem lies in the dual meaning of the word “discrimination,” one meaning that ALWAYS divides, the other that has the potential to unite.

The definition commonly used in the Marriage debate is as follows:

“treatment or consideration of, or making a distinction in favor of or against, a person or thing based on the group, class, or category to which that person or thing belongs rather than on individual merit”

In the context of this definition of discrimination, an acceptable resolution among opposing camps is highly improbable.

However, another definition of the word discrimination is

“the power of making fine distinctions; discriminating judgment”

Using this definition, it’s possible for the Marriage debate to head in a different direction, one that holds a higher probability for resolution among opposing camps in this author’s respectful opinion. Here’s why.

On Amazon, the book “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus” is described as “the most famous relationship book ever published.” Amazon goes on to say, “this phenomenal book has helped men and women realize how different they can be in their communication styles, their emotional needs, and their modes of behavior—and offers the secrets of communicating without conflicts, allowing couples to give intimacy every chance to grow.”

Since men and women are so profoundly different, an intimate relationship between a man and a women will also be profoundly different than an intimate relationship between a man and a man and one between a woman and a woman.

It is because of these profound differences, that discrimination, in the positive sense, should be applied to each relationship. Each relationship deserves to be formed and celebrated by its own special and sacred institution with its own special name. While all are civil unions, deserving of equal civil rights, Marriage, is the name that designates the special and sacred institution between a man and a woman. Marriage connotes a relationship that transcends what is captured in the words civil union.

An intimate relationship between a man and man will be characterized by different communication styles, emotional needs, and modes of behavior. Like Marriage, the relationship also transcends what is captured in the words civil union, however because it is profoundly different, it deserves its own designation, its own name. Out of respect for those who commit to a male-male bond, the relationship should not be subsumed by or associated with the institution of Marriage. It should not be called a Marriage, a same-sex-union or a gay-Marriage. Rather, the community of those who form such a relationship should choose their own special, sacred, institutional name.

Finally, along the same line of reasoning, the special relationship between a woman and a woman also transcends the words civil union, is different than Marriage and deserves its own special, sacred, institutional name.

When man-woman, man-man and woman-woman relationships are discussed in this context, a solution is possible. There is no longer divisiveness based on gender discrimination. Rather, all sides are honored for their uniqueness through their separate institutions, and their civil rights are equally recognized and protected. Each group can then focus on their primary mission, the lifelong commitment to a sacred union between adults who love each other.

Side Note: Congressman Rohrabacher (CA 46) had the vision and courage to submit Congressional Resolution H.RES.422 regarding the “Superiority of Capitalism as an economic model.” Capitalism, by definition a system of voluntary mutually beneficial exchange, is a system characterized by the absence of force and the pervasiveness of persuasion. “The Rohrabacher Rule” can be read at this link. If you support the ideas presented in this bill, please click this link to email ANY Representative, asking them to join Congressman Rohrabacher by Co-Sponsoring this resolution.

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