Dems Begin Impeachment for Subliminal Contagion*
A recent study confirmed that the Coronavirus could be spread subliminally.
In a groundbreaking test, a control group of one thousand citizens was tasked with watching President Trump, who does not wear an N95 approved mask, deliver his daily Coronavirus briefing over the course of 10 days. A second group of one thousand, watched a version of the briefing where CGI, courtesy of the National Football League first down staff, was used to overlay a mask on the President.
After 10 days, 7 of the control subjects tested positive for COVID-19, while only 1 in the second group contracted the disease. This falls within the statistical margins of error standards used by the "Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation (a.k.a. the IHME)," which typically recommend worldwide executive order policy directives on test results ranging from 17 to 170,000,000.
Based on this, and media outrage, Democrats have launched a select committee to investigate the President's response to the crisis, and to begin impeachment hearings.
The study was headed by Dr. R.J. Squirrel, and Dr. B.J. Moose, along with special assistants B. Bedanov and N. Fatale. It was sponsored by the prestigious W.M. University, (a.k.a. "Whatsa Matta U.) in Frostbite Falls, Minnesota.
*This news item is brought to you by "Death of Journalism," the satirical division of Kids4biz